Calibration Humor - Got Any (CLEAN) Calibration Jokes

[PMEL_DEVIL-DOG]

2 hydrogen atoms walks into a bar
One says to the other,"Dude, I think I lost an electron."
His buddy replied,"Are u sure?"
"Yeah, I'm positive." stated the first atom....

[tb_bucc]

O. K.  a true story, a number of years ago I had calibrated a DMM with a temperature function.  However, the customer did not need that function.  Not having much room on the cert label I wrote "temp.  not cal'ed," made since to me.

When the customer pick up the DMM he asked, why the unit was temporally not calibrated.

[Yooper]

How many metrologists does it take to change a light bulb?

10

1 assigned to scheduling to schedule it in
1 assigned to supply to order the wrong bulb
1 assigned to TO's to get the 10 page procedure
1 technician to change the bulb
1 CPR certified technician as a safety observer to hold the chair he's standing on
1 Supervisor to read email and standby for technical questions
1 assigned to HAZMAT to dispose of the bulb (toughest job of all)
1 QA to do a 100% check and process paperwork
1 Lab Chief to schedule a lab meeting about it
1 Flight Chief to attend squadron staff meeting and tell the commander how great we did

Some would say you also need the safety officer but as soon as someone stands on a chair he'll disappear faster than the free beer at a promotion party.