Off the wall news.

[Old-Navy]

In an August segment on WWLP-TV (Springfield, Mass.), police chief Anthony Scott of Holyoke, Mass., described the extent of a recent domestic fight in which Ms. Yesenia Ortiz retaliated against alleged aggressor Victor Cruz: "She grabbed another knife and stabbed him in the winky...." (Cruz was arrested and taken to a hospital for treatment of his winky.) [WWLP-TV (Springfield), 8-14-06]

[Old-Navy]

One Hindu family sued another in Springfield, Mass., in July over an arranged marriage after the bride-to-be presented herself to the groom's family for the first time and was judged too ugly. Vijai V. Pandey and his wife claimed they were "extremely shocked" at the woman's "protruded bad teeth" and bad complexion, among other deficiencies. A spokesman for an American Hindu organization tried to downplay skepticism over arranged marriages, telling the Springfield Republican newspaper that he had seen "very handsome men who are happy with somewhat homely women." [The Republican (Springfield), 7-5-06]

[Old-Navy]

Linda Mason filed a lawsuit in Chicago in July against a Borders bookstore, citing a defective toilet in the ladies' room that allegedly triggered near-catastrophic medical injuries. Because the broken seat "shifted to the side" when she sat down, she not only lost her balance and fell to the floor but somehow suffered "multiple spine injuries," requiring "multiple neurosurgical" operations, resulting in permanent disfigurement. [WBBM-Chicago Sun Times, 7-31-06]

[Old-Navy]

In Jhalabordi village in India in August, a pigeon fell into a well, and five villagers went in, in succession, to rescue first the pigeon, and then the succeeding Samaritans, but all five died. And in Surkhondaryo province in Uzbekistan in August, a father and son were digging an overflow pit for an outdoor toilet when the walls collapsed, and five neighbors in succession were lowered into the pit to attempt a rescue, but all seven people wound up dead. [Herald Sun (Melbourne)-Reuters, 8-10-06]

[Old-Navy]

Pennsylvania inmate Donta Thomas was re-arrested in August and charged with operating a drug ring on the outside, carried out via the Fayette County prison's pay phones. According to police, Thomas routinely gave explicit instructions to his accomplices over the phone despite an automated message on each call that the conversation was being recorded. According to a spokesman for the state attorney general, Thomas, speaking, would pause so as not to have to talk over the recording, but then afterward resume planning his deals. [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, 8-26-06]

[Old-Navy]

Poor at Anger Management

Executive chef George Llorens, 60, was arrested in Bridgeport, Conn., in July, accused of punching a colleague in the face because the appetizers she made were cold. And police in Decatur, Ala., arrested four people in August after intermittent, daylong fighting (that sent three of them to the hospital) that begin when one flicked a cigarette butt near another's property. And Jeffrey Cullen, 58, was arrested in August for firing several gunshots at Kingman, Ariz., firefighters (but missing) when they told him that they weren't permitted to rescue his cat from a tree. [New York Post-AP, 7-20-06] [Decatur Daily, 8-10-06] [New York Post-AP, 8-20-06]

[Old-Navy]

In an August rafting tournament on the Vuoksa River near St. Petersburg, Russia, which used only inflatable dolls of the kind typically sold in adult boutiques, Igor Osipov, 40, was disqualified upon finishing the race when (according to a report by Moscow News) observers "saw signs of recent sexual activity on (Osipov)'s doll." [Moscow News, 8-28-06]

[docbyers]

Marine Takes Bids on New Name

JACKSONVILLE, N.C. (AP) - Hoping to raise money for his family and an orphanage, a 29-year-old Marine is running an online auction in which the winning bidder will get to give him a new name - and he promises to make it legally binding.

"I've always thought about different cool inventions and neat ideas like this," said Sgt. Cody Baker, an Alabama native who was most recently stationed in Japan but is transferring to Camp Lejeune this month. "It's just the way my mind works. Most of them are off the wall like this. They just sound ridiculous."

The bidding at Baker's Web site, , began July 20, with a $5 offer to name him Mr. Clean.http://www.choosemyname.com

Later bids supporting such names as George Bailey of Bedford Falls and Mr. Right gave way to a $26,333.31 offer from an online coffee vendor that wants the name tape on Baker's uniform to display its slogan, "Finest Freshest Fastest."

"It will be my name, legally on paper," he said. "I guess everything that comes with the name Cody Baker will transform into whatever my name becomes."

Baker said the money will help support his wife and infant son while he goes to college after leaving the Marine Corps in a year and a half.

Some of the proceeds will also go to Im Jai House, an orphanage in Thailand that Baker has supported during his six-year career in uniform.

"Whatever his name is, we'll put him to work doing what the Marine Corps does best: accomplishing missions," said Lt. Philip Klay, a spokesman for Baker's future unit at Camp Lejeune.

[Old-Navy]

The 30-year-old traditional festival of eel-"bowling" in the fishing village of Lyme Regis, England, was canceled in July after complaints from an animal rights activist that it was disrespectful to eels.

In the ritual, teams of anglers stand on platforms and swing a giant (but dead) conger eel, attached to the ceiling, to see who will be the last person standing.

Said a spokesman for the charitable event, which raises money for lifeboat crews, "But it's a dead conger, for Pete's sake. I shouldn't think the conger could care one way or another." [Reuters, 7-29-06]

[docbyers]

In an August rafting tournament on the Vuoksa River near St. Petersburg, Russia, which used only inflatable dolls of the kind typically sold in adult boutiques, Igor Osipov, 40, was disqualified upon finishing the race when (according to a report by Moscow News) observers "saw signs of recent sexual activity on (Osipov)'s doll." [Moscow News, 8-28-06]

Good thing they weren't racing sheep...  Coup takes his sport seriously.

[Old-Navy]

In the midst of violence and despair in Baghdad, at least two institutions are working smoothly, according to September stories in, respectively, The Washington Post and Los Angeles Times.

"Iraq Star," an "American Idol"-type reality TV show, attracted 10,000 contestants for 45 slots in filming at the downtown Baghdad Hotel, and will be shown locally and around the Arab world. Other reality-style shows are in the works.

Second, the almost 3,500 Baghdad traffic officers still command high respect despite the city's other problems. Said an engineer, "The traffic law is the only thing nowadays that functions correctly."

In fact, the Web site of the Shi'ite Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani contains a query whether it is permissible, even when a driver has the street all to himself, to violate traffic laws; the ayatollah's answer is no. [Providence Journal-Washington Post, 9-10-06] [Boston Herald-Los Angeles Times, 9-10-06]

[Hoopty]

MEXICO CITY (Reuters) - Four Mexicans were killed when a dispute between two Tzotzil Indian families over a pothole in the street escalated into a full-blown shootout.

One of the families closed off the cracked concrete and mud road in the town of Banelos in the poor southern state of Chiapas to fill in a hole left by heavy rain.

That angered a family with a transport business who needed to get their truck through, the Mexican daily Reforma said on Tuesday.

Insults led to blows and finally the two families shot at each other using various caliber guns and a hefty AR-15 rifle, Reforma said. Shootings are not uncommon in Mexico's little-policed indigenous regions, where many take the law into their own hands.

A photo showed somber-looking locals standing in two groups on either side of the pothole -- now filled in with rubble and fit to be driven over again.

[Hoopty]

SOFIA (Reuters) - A Bulgarian woman who killed her son was released from prison because of terminal cancer. She then went home and killed her husband, police said Tuesday.

The 57-year-old was sentenced to 15 years in jail for killing her 29-year-old son with a garden hoe in April 2005 while he was sleeping.

Last month, authorities judged her to be in the final stages of cancer and let her go home, where she stabbed her husband in the throat with a knife.

"It was established she was in the last stage of cancer, she had it all over her body," said a spokeswoman for the Bourgas regional police.

"They presumed she was feeling bad and she would treat herself and rest. But nothing of the kind. She got aggressive and ... she killed her husband."

The woman, from a village in eastern Bulgaria, has been taken into custody again and is awaiting a new trial.

"She threatened that, if she is released again, she will kill her second son as well," the police spokeswoman said.

"The whole case is like something from the twilight zone."

[PMEL_DEVIL-DOG]

PALMETTO, Florida (AP) -- Mark Giorgio figured a 50-foot plunge was worth $20. Giorgio, 47, was counting his money and walking across the U.S. 41 bridge over the Manatee River Monday when a $20 bill blew out of his hand and flew over the rail.

He followed. And plummeted 50 feet into the river. Then he swam about 100 yards to fish the bill from the water.

"I got my money back, hell yeah," Giorgio told the Sarasota Herald-Tribune. "Twenty bucks is a lot of money when you're broke."

He was fished from the water by a passing Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission officer.

Giorgio, who said he was already suffering from a broken collarbone, refused treatment for cuts and scrapes he suffered in the fall.

[PMEL_DEVIL-DOG]

Marine Takes Bids on New Name

JACKSONVILLE, N.C. (AP) - Hoping to raise money for his family and an orphanage, a 29-year-old Marine is running an online auction in which the winning bidder will get to give him a new name - and he promises to make it legally binding.

"I've always thought about different cool inventions and neat ideas like this," said Sgt. Cody Baker, an Alabama native who was most recently stationed in Japan but is transferring to Camp Lejeune this month. "It's just the way my mind works. Most of them are off the wall like this. They just sound ridiculous."

The bidding at Baker's Web site, , began July 20, with a $5 offer to name him Mr. Clean.http://www.choosemyname.com

Later bids supporting such names as George Bailey of Bedford Falls and Mr. Right gave way to a $26,333.31 offer from an online coffee vendor that wants the name tape on Baker's uniform to display its slogan, "Finest Freshest Fastest."

"It will be my name, legally on paper," he said. "I guess everything that comes with the name Cody Baker will transform into whatever my name becomes."

Baker said the money will help support his wife and infant son while he goes to college after leaving the Marine Corps in a year and a half.

Some of the proceeds will also go to Im Jai House, an orphanage in Thailand that Baker has supported during his six-year career in uniform.

"Whatever his name is, we'll put him to work doing what the Marine Corps does best: accomplishing missions," said Lt. Philip Klay, a spokesman for Baker's future unit at Camp Lejeune.

Unbelievible...