PMEL WAR STORIES.....

[flew-da-coup]

I felt inspired by another post to create this subject matter. I will start off with my personal story:

I myself have killed many of VC in the jungles of Nam with just a RG-58 and a BNC to Type N adapter. I would always leave a "K" Pro or a NAVAIR behind as my calling card. Yeah, that used to scare the crap out of those little people. Let me tell ya, there is nothing more terrifiing for a VC than to come across 33K4-4-269-1 laying on top of their strangled buddy. Those were tough times for calibrators. Hell, we had a lean too for a cold room and had to actually stand up to do our job because we had no lab chairs. I remember one night me and my fellow calibrators had to do a on-site near DaNang. We HALO jumped with test equipment strapped to our backs from 40 thousand feet into the jungle. We had heavy resistance, but we calibrated like no one had ever seen before or since. Then all hell broke loose. I got shocked with 12 VDC and had to be MediVac'd out. That's how I got my Purple Heart, and that's no lie.

[flew-da-coup]

Of course my story does not compare to another friend of mine who fought in the south Pacific with only a 3 inch piece of type "J" thermocouple wire and a roll of Form 99 special cal stickers. Man, you have to admire those old guys. He told me once that he and his buddies would drink freon 113 and go on suicide missions. These, I believe are the toughest calibrators ever. He also told me he was trapped from all sides by Japs down in the Indonisian Islands with only a tweeker and no water. He jabbed everyone of those Japs right in the eye with that tweeker. He saved his whole lab and  the test equipment was left without a scratch. This is how he got the Silver Star.

[docbyers]

During the 1st Gulf War one of my FASTCAL labs was shipped to Saudi to support the airdales there, and I was asked by AGMC to go along.  I declined that deployment, as my government contract didn't say anything about Scud missile avoidance systems, and my commitment to wearing the blue suit had expired...  So I have precious few war stories to tell!

[docbyers]

OK, this is KIND OF a war story...

Troy Faust and I were TDY in Zweibrucken running a TFCU, and Zweibrucken AB started "war games."  Our TDY orders specifically stated that the TFCU team did NOT play war with the base, so no chem gear for us...  Problem was, they simulated "blowing up" the building our TFCU was set up in.  Now, when they "blow up" a building, civil engineering comes in and cuts the power.  So all of my standards that were on and warming up, plus a goodly stack of counters that were going through their warm-up cycle were all dead.  Whereupon I informed a full-bird DCM that we were going to pack up our gear and head back to Ramstein.  No power, no work.  He 'bout blew a gasket.  I asked him to please call Chief Meier at Ramstein.  He did.  1/2 an hour later, I had power on again...

Funny thing- when they turned on the power, the surge apparently blew some fuses that were in a power bus duct in the ceiling.  So now there's a 3-meter step ladder with a captain on it changing the fuses, while, on the floor, stood 2 SMSgts and a Chief from CE.  I'm standing next to them, watching the officer on the ladder doing the work, and I leaned over to the chief and whispered to him, "How do you get the officer up there to do the work?"  He leaned back, smiled, and said "Training, my boy- training..."

[docbyers]

OK, would someone explain to me how the old guy told Coup his story AFTER his "suicide mission?"

I've been trying to figure it out, but it plum evades me...

[flew-da-coup]

OK, would someone explain to me how the old guy told Coup his story AFTER his "suicide mission?"

I've been trying to figure it out, but it plum evades me...

I know Doc, it's amazing isn't it? That's one tough bird..

[PMEL_DEVIL-DOG]

Very nice....
Reminds me when I was doing a covert recon mission in Tijuana. The mission: To infiltrate the local clubs and engage the local, young, hot chicks...hummm....I mean enemies, with automactic tequila shots and bazooka bombs while avioding the FUC's (Fat, ugly chicks). One of my Marines fell casualties to a FUC...A really big FUC....And now I'm stuck with the sad task of telling his son. That hurts....
Meanwhile, at LZ Pedro's, I encountered a VHC (very hot chick) ambush...Oh man it was intense. Alcoholic gun fire, coupled with the fact that her "uniform" revealed the fact that this was going to be a tuff battle. I was catured...Damn...And couldn't resist her vicious interragation...and when it was all said and done, I woke up on the beach, naked except for my boxers, one sandal on one foot and a footie with a fuzzy purple ball on the other, a chicken bone across my chest, along with a note saying,"I'm a chesse omlete" in spanish...No lie....got the pictures to prove it.... Along with this damn tattoo of this smiling, bright yellow daisy holding a joint throwing a peace sign...

[flew-da-coup]

Here is one of my stories from the ol' war chest...

When I was working in the jungles of Atlanta, Ga in the village of Duluth I was wounded. I came into the lab that morning ( being the first to arrive ) and was ready for battle. Well, I quickly realized I needed a 5700. I went over to another bench where the 5700 was on a cart. I noticed leads still connected to the output. I being a respector of other peoples leads and connectors decided to pull the leads out and leave them on the techs bench. I grabbed the leads and at that moment I realized that the tech left the unit in operate. I took 1000V @ 1KHz into my hand. Yes I should have checked before I grabbed, but the tech should not let leads dangle from a calibrator with it in operate and 1000VAC applied. Needless to say, I did not receive the Purplr Heart for my wounds. I did however receive a valuable lesson.

[PMEL_DEVIL-DOG]

Here is one of my stories from the ol' war chest...

When I was working in the jungles of Atlanta, Ga in the village of Duluth I was wounded. I came into the lab that morning ( being the first to arrive ) and was ready for battle. Well, I quickly realized I needed a 5700. I went over to another bench where the 5700 was on a cart. I noticed leads still connected to the output. I being a respector of other peoples leads and connectors decided to pull the leads out and leave them on the techs bench. I grabbed the leads and at that moment I realized that the tech left the unit in operate. I took 1000V @ 1KHz into my hand. Yes I should have checked before I grabbed, but the tech should not let leads dangle from a calibrator with it in operate and 1000VAC applied. Needless to say, I did not receive the Purplr Heart for my wounds. I did however receive a valuable lesson.

Did ya court-martial him for it?

[docbyers]

After Action Report

86 Component Repair Squadron, TMDE/PMEL, Ramstein AB, Germany

Deployment Zone – Bad Durkheim Wine Festival, 1987

It was rumored throughout Germany that the festival at Bad Durkheim was using uncalibrated wine glasses in violation of half a dozen statutes, and the citizenry attending said festival was not receiving a ½ liter portion of wine in the uncalibrated wine glasses.  Ramstein PMEL had heard of this egregious violation of German law, and assembled a well-trained team to investigate.
We were transported to our deployment zone in disguise; no uniforms were allowed, strictly civilian clothing to blend in with the locals.  We traveled by tour bus, to further hide our true identities.
Upon arrival, we dispersed to cover as much festival ground as possible, usually moving in groups of 2 or 3 so as not to present a bunched-up and highly visible appearance.  We moved with great stealth to the deployment zone "hot spots," specifically the tents of the various wine makers selling their products in the offending glasses.
After purchasing samples for closer inspection, we discovered that yes, the glasses had a small white line near the top of the otherwise clear glass designating that if the liquid in the glass reached the level of the line, the glass would indeed contain ½ liter of liquid.  We moved in for a closer look...
One of the precepts in the metrology world is repeatability- measurement sample results should be repeatable within an accepted range of tolerance.  All deployed PMEL personnel purchased glass after glass of wine, inspecting the wine's level versus the ½ liter line indicator on the glass.  Every full glass was +/- .1" of the line, some being filled slightly above the line, others slightly below.  By repeated measurement samples, we ascertained that, on average, the citizenry was indeed receiving ½ liter of wine as indicated by the level indicators on the glasses.
Our reconnaissance over, we were extracted from the LZ by the tour bus driver, generally in pairs or trios, who escorted us back to the tour bus, pausing occasionally while a trooper off-loaded a stomach-full of product samples.
All present and accounted for, we traveled back to home base, singing a lusty version of "Three German Soldiers" to celebrate our successful deployment.  No serious injuries to any of the troops, and the commander's girlfriend, who had joined us to witness the action of PMEL techs in the field, thoroughly enjoyed the evening.
Special mention should be made of SSgt Charles "Chuck" (Red Wine) Kulpa, and SRA Merle (White Wine) Ellet, who remembered all of the verses to "Three German Soldiers" even under extreme duress.  Sgt "Doc" Byers had no injuries to treat, so he joined in the verses as heartily as his slurred speech would allow...

[flew-da-coup]

He got the Shooting Squad.

[Hoopty]

Needless to say, I did not receive the Purplr Heart for my wounds.

Yup.  Friendly fire...

[flew-da-coup]

I figure if John Kerry can get one for a splinter then I could get one for a shock. Atleast mine was not self inflicted. I was wounded by a booby trap. The tech that left it on was from Vietnam. So I was injured from a VC booby trap. That's more than John Kerry did.

[Thraxas]

Hey flew-da-coup, you ought to tell some of your stories about the rogue calibrators code-named Slasher and Guillotine. No real names of course...

[flew-da-coup]

Those stories are horror stories. Here's one:

The Slasher was positioning himself to stab me in the back and drive the Ginsu deep into my flesh one day. He didn't like the way I was keeping the K4 area caught up, because he never could. So he decided to go around telling the bosses that I was never at work and was always out. Never mind my work was caught up. Well, the lead tech, who enjoys the Slasher's nose up his butt, started to believe him. You know if you here something long enough you start to believe it. He told the program manager and the T.O.S. that I was never there. I was unaware that he was doing this. The next thing I know I am getting moved out of the K4 area. You see. he had the  Guillotine backing his story, because he wanted my position. Well, Guillotine got my position. Well, Guillotine ended up backing K4 up, bad. So I was asked to go back and take it over again. I was told that I was moved out because I missed so much work. Well, I decided I would go show my bosses my timesheets for the last 4 months. I worked over 40 hours overtime each month and the month that the Slasher was speading the vile lies I worked 62 hours overtime. By the way the Slasher missed 3 weeks in a row that month. He decided he would start this bullcrap when he came back from his 3 week vacation. The bosses apologized. I guess they were to stupid to check it out themselves by looking at my timesheets. This is just one of many stories of the Slasher and Guillotine. The two backstabbers are at Robins AFB contract PMEL. Just to let you know the Slasher stabbed his way into quality and the Guillotine has stabbed his way into a Senior Tech position and is running K4 .  Guillotine has no PMEL school and only 5 years in the field. K4 is backed up and has been ever since he had taken it over.